tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719280876019308238.post6289541650097099507..comments2010-07-14T11:27:49.193-07:00Comments on A Bitter Sweet Blog : ): A Lullaby of a MemoryAntoniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08172760555774444580noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719280876019308238.post-63025526138833434492009-11-01T08:32:09.317-08:002009-11-01T08:32:09.317-08:00You have done a great job. The story is really int...You have done a great job. The story is really interesting and the way it was written is amazing. I am astonished that a senior can have such style. I am sure that one day you will be famous for your writings.:) Firstly, I like the fact that you made me feel a part of the 5 hours spent with him. The details used: “Borisova Garden”, “ Chervilo, the night club”, “the Russian Church” made me imagine the center of Sofia and you and this boy walking down the streets. The good description of the emotions you felt throughout the whole day “We walked and talked and I couldn’t feel my feet stepping on the damp ground. I was weightless”, “My world was spinning…” makes the whole story sounds sincerely and I believe this is really important. Every single word suggests the importance of this boy. However, there is one thing that I do not like. You are suddenly telling the readers that “a tornado of memories started in my mind” and you are not describing the reason for that. I think you should do it because it seems that this moment is the turning point of your story, when the mood changes and the day stops being so great. <br />Great job, Toni! :)Donikahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16883316823358702350noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719280876019308238.post-41182017841915704162009-10-28T02:13:38.235-07:002009-10-28T02:13:38.235-07:00A Lullaby of a Memory by you is a short story writ...A Lullaby of a Memory by you is a short story written in a very high standard with a very intriguing style. There are several pluses to this piece of writing, which portrays one day of a person’s life. The story is interesting due to many factors such as the epithets used to help the reader make a better picture of the situation “It was one of those winter days when it is cold and you feel your hands freezing in the gloves, and yet the sun is shining.”, the long explanations of the emotional condition of the character “My thoughts were flying in all sides” and “My world was spinning…” and the shortness, but meaningful confessions ” I have let him in”. The variety of feelings explained in this short story is a plus because this way the reader can feel closer to the character and even share his happiness. Details are explained such as names of places “Bizarro”, “Iron Man” and “City Centre Sofia” help in the visualization of the whole picture. This is a really strong piece of writing because after reading, it leaves a good impression that the person, who has written it, in this case you Toni4ke, is fluent in English due to the used vocabulary, has a good imagination due to the described people, places, objects and an eye for the small details in things. In general those are the pluses of the story.<br /> Some things, which could have been prevented is the sudden end of the story “The mysterious color of his eyes made me angry because I could not define it, but at this moment I did not even care…” In my opinion a more appropriate end could have been written because this way the reader wants to hear more about what happened, but suddenly the main character does not care. The emotional stature of the main character is both a plus and a minus. Due to too many emotions at some points in the writing the reader starts thinking, why would somebody get worked about something for example such as “His small gesture, his effort to remember a useless piece of information made me feel like a princess.” In general there are almost no minuses in this short story.<br /> I hope that my reflection of your story helps in your future development as a writer.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com